My Beautiful Story

"Emerging from the ashes to embrace the beauty..."

Friday, May 25, 2012

A Window in Time

 It is interesting to me to see this beautiful story of mine unfold. It is neat to be a witness of the small little pieces that begin to fit together to make the puzzle whole. There is a part of my story that I have never shared before. I was reminded of it yesterday as I sat and visited with a dear friend who was used by God to be a part of this beautiful story! Her name is Jenn and she is a faithful and obedient woman of God. I say this because, if she was not obedient to God when He placed on her heart what He wanted her to pray for me, perhaps a different story would be being told. She was obedient when it did not make sense to her and when she had no idea of the beautiful story that was about to take place in my life! Allow me to share her part with you now.
 Shortly after hearing the news that Erik had died, (even before the funeral people!) God told Jenn to pray that a man would come into my life for me to love and be a wife to! You see, Jenn just knew in her heart that I was created to be a wife and God kept confirming that to her! That is what I do best and love the most! She is so right!!! After Erik died I was so lost and so sad. I LOVED being his wife! I loved serving him, caring for him, and loving him. It was my deepest passion! So Jenn was troubled for me. Even though to her it did not make sense or feel appropriate to pray that prayer for me at the very beginning of my grief, she obeyed God and did it anyway! Yesterday as her and I were talking and reflecting on this, she had a huge revelation from God! It was an incredible moment in time that I will never forget! She was telling me how weird it was for her to be praying that for me because she knew at the time I would have been angry and would have refused to believe that there would ever be another man in my life for me to love. And just then it hit her! There was only a small window of time for my heart and then it would be closed forever and I probably would have driven off the road with my kids in the van. You see, during the early stages of losing Erik, that is exactly what I wanted to do. I felt that I could not go on another moment. I couldn't take watching my kids suffer such deep pain. Even when Norm was first in my life, I struggled with these thoughts. Jenn was overwhelmed at this thought, as was I. To the world,it probably seemed very sudden that I was seeing someone new. But to God, it was perfect timing! He knew what I needed when I needed it! 40 days after Erik died, Norm came over to my house for the very first time. I felt something that very day. I was so scared by what I felt and I couldn't understand it. But you see!!!! God knew! He knew Norm and I were destined to be together! He knew that meeting him and falling in love with him needed to happen when it did! 40 days!!!!!!! To those of you who are Bible scholars, you will see how significant this number is! Looking this up online I found this about the number 40: It is related to a time of testing and ends with a blessing! Wow! Think about that for a minute! Jenn had no idea what God was doing in my life! She had no idea that 40 days after Erik's death her prayers would be answered! 
 So the revelation Jenn had yesterday about a "window" into my heart was so very true! A 40 day window I guess you could say!!! That is why right away God pressed in hard on Jenn's heart to pray for me! A lesson we can all learn from this: if God places something on your heart to pray no matter how strange it is: PRAY IT! You may be just the vessel God is wanting to use in their story!!!!!! Thank you Jenn for being a HUGE part of my beautiful story!

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Cleaning & Healing

 Cleaning can be exhausting physically, but did you know it could also be emotionally draining as well? Since I moved into my new house here with my new husband, I haven't really unpacked all my things. With so much going on, it just got put on the back burner. But the clutter continued to pile up and I had had enough! So, this past week, I started tackling the clutter and the boxes. I wasn't expecting this time to be one of tears though. But, you forget about certain things until you come across them in a box. In those boxes were pictures of Erik and of a life from long ago. Papers written on, pictures drawn from my kids. Books I used to read to the kids, Bible studies I have gone to, Marriage conferences Erik and I attended, home school books I once used, and so much more. I started cleaning on what would have been my dad's 72nd birthday. I found so many memories of him too. Some things would just send me into a crying heap on the floor. Some things took me by surprise. At the end of the first day, I was emotionally spent. When Norm came home, he embraced me and I just started crying. He is so tender and caring. He poured me a nice glass of wine and gave me a nice back rub!! What a great way to end an exhausting day. 
 Day 2 of cleaning brought with more emotions, but I feel like I was better prepared! It was more papers than pictures I discovered as I cleaned out drawers full of stuff! I filled a large box full of trash! Funny how we tend to hold onto things! But each time we clean, it seems to get easier to throw things away. Of course the hardest things for me to come across are bills from Erik's death or things related to the funeral. It is still so hard to believe he is gone! And getting rid of home school books and the desks my kids once used was also very hard for me. The thought that I will never teach them again is too hard to think about sometimes. I miss the days when we were all together all day long! My life is just so different now.... not that different is bad... it is just different.
 Discovering these memories made me very thankful for so many things. Thankful that we did the things we did. Thankful that I saved all those precious moments in time. It also made me thankful for where I am today. I have truly been blessed beyond measure! I have a wonderful new husband that wants to experience those memories with me. He wants pictures of Erik to be hung in the house for all to see! That means so much to me! He is just so loving and caring! I know deep in my heart that we were created to be together! We complete each other! He is a great man and I know Erik would be so happy that he is the man God chose to love and care for us! I am also thankful for the 2 young men that are my step sons! They are such a great addition to my life and to my heart! I am honored to be their step mother and to be able to love them and care for them also. 
 So with my cleaning, also came a stage in my healing. I was able to look at my past, but also able to SEE my future. I know that God had a greater purpose in taking Erik home to be with Him. I know that God always intended for Norm and I to be together. It is just the way the story was written by God! He is the Author and Finisher of life! That means more to me now than it ever did before!!!!!! So I will cling to that in the hard moments of life. 
 I challenge you, my reader, what is waiting for you to "clean out"? Is there a room in your house or your heart that needs some de-cluttering? When we begin to remove the clutter, we are better able to SEE more clearly what God is doing in our lives! Maybe today is your day! Be blessed!!!!!!