My Beautiful Story

"Emerging from the ashes to embrace the beauty..."

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Breathe Through Another Day...

 I listened to a song yesterday; one I hadn't heard in a while. It really spoke to me. It is so perfect for my life now that I am on a journey of grief. These are the words ( I took out the repeating lines):

The question that is never far away
The healing doesn't come from the explained
Jesus please don't let this go in vain
You're all I have
All that remains

So here I am
What's left of me
Where glory meets my suffering

I'm alive
Even though a part of me has died
You take my heart and breathe it back to life
I fall into Your arms open wide
When the hurt and the healer collide

Sometimes I feel it's all that I can do
Pain so deep that I can hardly move
Just keep my eyes completely fixed on You
Lord take hold and pull me through

It's the moment when humanity
Is overcome by majesty
When grace is ushered in for good
And all our scars are understood
When mercy takes it's rightful place
And all these questions fade away
When out of the weakness we must bow
And hear You say "It's over now"

Jesus come and break my fear
Wake my heart and take my tears
Find Your glory even here
When the hurt and the healer collide
Jesus come and break my fear
Wake my heart and take my tears
And find Your glory even here

The first 4 paragraphs speak about the pain.... the walk...the journey I am on. The last 2 paragraphs are the hope we have... one day...when I get to Heaven... He will take it all away...
but while I remain here in my suffering... I need Him to help me walk through this grief journey. 
The line that keeps going through my head is : Breathe, sometimes I feel it's all that I can do. This is so true. There are just moments in my life where I feel as if I just can't go on, so I just tell myself to breathe. When I see one of my children crying or hurting, "breathe". When I look at a picture of Erik, "breathe".When I remember our life before, "breathe". When I think of the future that will never be, "breathe". When I am faced with more pain, "breathe". When all makes no sense, "breathe". Just because I have found a new love in my life, doesn't mean I have stopped grieving. My journey will never end this side of Heaven. I am thankful that I do have someone to share this life with. I am thankful that my kids have someone to care for them. But this life is not perfect and it is not easy. There are just some days that are hard to breathe through.
 Maybe you have found that too. Maybe you are having a hard time breathing today. Maybe your pain is so deep that you can hardly move. The next line tells us what we must do.... keep our eyes completely fixed on You (Jesus)!!!! That has truly been the only way I have been able to walk this far on my journey. He truly is pulling me through. When I allow my eyes to wander, that is when I have the most difficult time breathing. And believe me, my eyes do wander! My mind wanders!! I am not perfect! I don't always do everything right! But God has been so faithful to me! I am thankful that He continues to use music to speak to me and help heal me. The name of this song is The Hurt and the Healer by Mercy Me. How perfect a title. How perfect a song for those who have experienced grief! And so, today I will keep telling myself to breathe!